Aloneness, A Divine Calling
by: Abby Kelly
I haven’t written much lately because I’ve been unable to cull lessons from my own life. In the past, a single day might lend me a hundred ideas to share, and a dozen little things that God taught me and I felt compelled to ask if he was sharing them with you too. But lately, maybe it’s pregnancy brain, I feel stuffed with cotton–writer’s block at its absolute worst–almost unidentifiable. Just plain, “I got nothing.”
But this morning I recognized myself in an anecdote Lysa TerKeurst shared on Focus on the Family. She had been invited to share the crux of her new book, Uninvited. (Pun intended.) And I decided that if I saw myself in her story, I might find some deeper meaning, some richer lesson by writing about it and, hopefully, you might find yourself there too.
Lysa was attending a banquet for leaders. Dozens of tables were spread for numerous guests of high calling–to lead, teach and mentor others. She looked forward to hobnobbing with them, sharing stories, gleaning ideas and mingling with others of the same ilk. The facility had gone all out, there were name cards for every seat.
For a while, she milled about uncomfortably looking for her name. It had to be there! Finally, she found it on a table in the very back of the room but to her disappointment, she didn’t recognize a single other name at her table. No matter, she’d meet new people. But no one showed up. There she sat by herself at a lovely, decorated table set for 10, in a room full of influential people–alone.
For a while fear, rejection, anxiety and hurt coursed through her, threatening her composure. But quickly, the voice of her loving Father, our loving Father, The Loving Father, came to her rescue: “Lysa, if there were nine other people at your table would you be able to hear me? What if I want to spend this quiet, lonelier time with you?”
As it turned out, God had plans to place Lysa purposefully into the lives of others in the room, who, despite the fact their tables were full, found themselves struggling with rejection, feeling out of place and essentially “uninvited” too.
Where did I see me?
Well, baby Eve should be here any day now. I cannot express my joy and excitement about her arrival but I’d be lying to not admit that there’s a niggling fear–what about me? Until now, I’ve had complete freedom and flexility. I’ve stayed busy doing essentially what I want and often those were things that made me feel needed. Though I don’t work outside the home, I’ve led Bible study, mentored, volunteered in several places–things that lent value to “me” and allowed me to feel invited, noticed–even important.
Now, many more of my hours (at least for a while) will be spent at home, alone–away from adult company who can pat me on the back and affirm my value to them–in the quiet. But as I contemplated my anxiety about this pending change, I heard God speak to me though Lysa’s story.
“Abby, what if in this silence, this Spirit-imposed stillness, I want to speak with you alone. I want to call you away, as I often did with Jesus, to converse with me alone. I will be your sustenance, affirmation and joy.”
Are you feeling lonely, uninvited, uncomfortable in aloneness? Have you considered that it might be Spirit-imposed, a divine calling?
What is He saying to you?